There are a few experiences that are universal to us humans and I think one of those is rejection. It’s something most of us naturally fear, and will do anything we can to avoid, but at some time or another it’s going to happen. Whether it's the rejection of a romantic partner, a close friend, or maybe not getting a job you really wanted. For some it will be deeply traumatic, and they will spend years unpicking and healing from the impact it has had on their lives.
I think as creatives when it comes to our work and our practice, rejection can feel particularly painful because we put so much of ourselves into our work and find so much of our identity there too. It’s very hard not to take some form of rejection of your creative work personally and feel the impact deeply.
When we experience rejection we often use it to tell ourselves a story about who we are that we then build on and choose to believe. In most cases, this narrative is false or at the very least exaggerated. I personally have noticed how quickly and easily I tell a negative story to myself about the reason I was rejected. “I’m not good enough”, “I am a terrible designer”, “people don’t like me, they find me annoying”, the list goes on. Most of the time there is no evidence that those were the reasons for the rejection, but if you tell yourself those stories enough they start to feel so real and reside as ‘facts’ in your mind.
So, if it’s not possible to avoid rejection completely, how can we learn to deal with it better? How can we view rejection through a biblical lens, and how can we be more like Jesus as we navigate it?
Seeing rejection through a Biblical lens
If we think about the life of Jesus, he experienced plenty of rejection in the short amount of time he lived on earth. He is described as the stone rejected by builders who then went on to be the head of the corner. (1 Peter 2:7). He was rejected by the Pharisees, by the public, by his closest friends. Famously he was rejected by Peter who denied knowing him three times.
We are also very clearly told in the bible that as believers we should expect the world to reject us for what we believe since the world rejected Jesus. John 15:20 says ‘If they persecute me, they will also persecute you.’
Even though the bible tells us that persecution and rejection will happen to us as followers of Jesus, when it does happen it takes us by surprise, we fear it, and we will try to avoid it.
But Jesus wasn’t afraid of being rejected, because he knew it would happen. Jesus was clear in his mission, and on what he had been sent to earth to do.
Rejection for our love of Jesus and our core beliefs is different from the rejection we receive in our creative work. However, this sort of rejection is something that we should expect, because we are living in a broken world.
Knowing that something is expected, and even considered part of the creative process, often makes it easier to deal with.
And in some instances, I think it can be beneficial to embrace it. Maybe even to use it as a tool to fuel us and inspire us.
Inspired by rejection
I’m a graphic designer and podcaster and over the last 6 years I have been freelance and growing my own business. A couple of years ago I realised that my fear of being rejected was holding me back from many of the opportunities and goals I had in my business. It was easier not to pursue them so that I didn’t have to go through those painful feelings when doors were closed and people said ‘no’.
I decided to set myself a challenge to actually pursue rejection, and go looking for it, instead of hiding away from it. Inspired by other creatives who I had seen do this previously, I set myself a challenge to get 100 rejections in my business in 6 months and to document some of the process. What was fascinating to me was that the minute I chose to do this challenge my mindset about rejection really changed. The fear wasn’t immediately taken away, but I had turned it into something fun. I had gamified something I had been afraid of, and I also created for myself a win-win situation. If the person said yes, then that was great. On one hand, an opportunity I had wanted was going to come my way, which may not have happened if I hadn’t pitched or asked for it. On the other hand, if I got a rejection, I would still be a bit disappointed, but actually they were just helping me get one step closer to my goal of 100 rejections. (I even recently made myself a sticker chart to make it even more fun and visually satisfying to collect rejections!)
I also started to change the negative self-talk that I would naturally spiral into when I got a rejection. If someone said no, instead of going straight to: they hate me, I must be terrible at what I do, I tried to slow down and consider some of the many other options it could be. Maybe they already had someone that was a better fit, maybe my work didn’t quite fit the aesthetic they were after, maybe just maybe my email got lost in their inbox. This became easier to do when I started to get a lot of pitches from people who wanted to be a guest on my podcast, and I considered the reason that I was rejecting guests. Quite often it was to do with the fact that I already had a long list of people I wanted to interview. Sometimes it was because I had just covered that topic recently. It was never that I thought that person was horrible or terrible at what they did.
Something this challenge also made me consider was where I find my security and identity. It was pretty exposing and showed me how much of it comes from my creative work. When someone doesn’t like my work, it feels particularly painful. It was a pretty stark reminder that my security and identity need to be from Jesus and His love and acceptance of me, rather than what other people think of me. And while it’s important to work hard, and take pride in our work, our work is a gift from God. However, when we start to find our self-worth in our work, it’s a pretty clear sign that it has become an idol.
The unconditional love of Jesus
We need to ask ourselves where we are finding our identity. Is our identity truly rooted in and grounded in Jesus (Ephesians 3:17)? As sinful humans there are always going to be distractions and idols trying to pull us away from Jesus, and we need to keep coming back to Him. We need to keep putting Him back at the centre of our lives and our hearts. We need to keep looking to Him for our validation and identity as sons and daughters of the Living God. (1John 3:1)
I truly believe that when Jesus is where He belongs in our lives, we will see the fruit of that in all areas.
From our boldness and courage to talk about Him, despite the fear of being rejected, to our creativity and ability to create art and designs that honour and glorify Him. When we know that our self-worth and our identity come from Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), we can face rejection. We can face rejection in our creative journey, in our work, in our personal lives, and even publicly, because we are standing on a solid foundation. This foundation never changes. Jesus’s love for us is not a trend, it’s not going to change based on an algorithm and it’s certainly not dependent on our performance. This is what is so deeply incredible about the gospel message.
Almost every other aspect of our lives is measured in some way, by our performance, how we behave, how another person rates us. But this is not the case with Jesus, and what a comfort it is to go into our days knowing that He loves us regardless of our performance.
We must allow this unconditional love of our saviour to impact how we think about success, what ‘good work’ looks like and what it means to be creative. Have you considered what success looks like for you in your creative practice? Or have you been sucked in by the noise and the messages that we constantly hear around us.
It takes courage to go against the grain, to stand out from the crowd. To live a life influenced by Jesus above anything else. People won’t like it, and we will experience rejection but oh will it be worth it!
If rejection is something you have struggled with in any area of your life, I really hope you will consider ways that you can deal with it in the here and now. But also on a deeper heart level, I hope you will ask yourself where you are really finding your self-worth and identity. If your answer isn’t Jesus then come back to the Bible, and be reminded of how much He loves you and the price He paid for you on the cross.
"He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God” John 1: 11-13
